The day Bumper died

Just out of the blue, he lost his appetite.We thought he was being choosy as usual.

When we took him for a walk on the second day, he stopped abruptly in mid-stride from time to time and stared ahead into nothingness.We thought he was unusually tired.

After he refused food on the fourth day, we hauled in the vet.I don't know why we relied so much on this chap. Maybe it's because at a time when Bumper had a terrible skin affliction for a whole year, he was the one vet (out of the 4 we checked out) who offered a new approach. It was a 9-month course of jabs that supposedly would desensitize Bumper from the 18 items he was found to be allergic towards. After 5 months on this medication, he began to show progress. He stopped scratching and licking and chewing his own skin, so the lesions and bleeding stopped and his hair started growing beautifully again.

When the vet saw Bumper this time around, he was sceptical that dog was ill until he took a blood sample and did an x-ray. Dark patches suggesting gas showed up in his stomach. Anaemia was also detected and pointed to kidney complications. A second blood sample was taken the next day and the results were confirmed: Bumper was possibly suffering from acute kidney failure. The vet gave us some decongestants for his stomach and some antibiotics. As I later learnt, he should have just advised us to put Bumper on a drip because that would have saved my dog's life.Well, he wasn't in the condition to even digest the tablets in the first place. But of course we didn't know all this. We were told to play by ear and see how he responded to the tablets. And so we did.



Two days later, Bumper started to pass bloody stools,and I got worried. But I had to go to work so I thought I would bug the vet again in the evening about this development.(I hate myself for not thinking of seeing another vet!)At about 8.30pm, my mum called and hinted that I should go home quick because Bumper was looking bad.Colin and I debated over whether we should rush home immediately or hit the gym first as work had stopped us from our gym sessions for a week now. But my instinct told me to "do the right thing". (I hate myself for even allowing that debate to happen.)

When we got home, Bumper was on the floor and Dad, stroking him with a face that spelt a thousand funerals. "Bumper has had two seizures." I was already a mess so the word really dug deep. You know how it is, a million regrets decided to pop up just then. And I wondered if I spent enough time with him, if I had misfed him, if I had taken him on enough walks, etc. What made it worse was Bumper made the effort to stand up to greet us, shaky legs and all. His lovely tail wagged vigorously so you wouldn't even know he was in bad shape if you saw it.



As Bumper soon hobbled into a corner and began to lie down, we thought we were going to lose him. Dad hid in his bedroom - possible to cry. Mum tried singing songs to him over her tears. Collin then had an idea we should call his friend's wife, Christine, who was a vet from Kristy's Ark at Damansara Uptown. It was already 9.30pm but we gave it a shot. (It turned out that Dad had tried calling our "reliable vet" but they were closing and "couldn't come".)

Kristy's was closed and Christine was on her way home with her husband but she - bless the angel - was eager to come and help. I spoke to her on the phone to describe Bumper's condition so she confirmed my worst fears - that we would have to put him to sleep as he was surely suffering.

While we waited for her to arrive, we stayed close to Bumper. I was still doing a good job working out my tear ducts, dreadfully aware of the possibility that I would not be able to bear subsequent days without his companionship. (It's still hard until today.)

When she did turn up 30 minutes later, she found out Bumper was only 3.5 years old and realized Bumper's mental state was unaffected by the seizures so she wanted to give him a chance and try the drip. So we carted him back to her clinic in Damansara Uptown and spent the next few hours with him. Colin's brother brought their little shitzu along to cheer Bumper up and that really got the tail working again.

At the end of 1 and a half bags of drip, Bumper's tongue was a healthy pink again and he seemed in less pain. I think that gave me a lot of hope but it was a terrible place to be in because it was hope that stood on a precipiece.



That was to be the feeling I carried with me for the next three days.

On Tuesday, Bumper was chewing the toys I had brought him. And he was rather eager to leave his pen. This meant he was active and less weak in the legs. His cheeky grin was back on, too. And he had begun to eat a little though only vitamin and mineral food paste.

I had until then barred my parents from seeing him as I didn't want them to until he was better (if he was going to be better). So I decided to bring them over on Thursday but by then, Bumper had deteriorated again. He still hadn't been eating as his stomach was full of toxins unprocessed by his kidneys. At the same time, he had continued to pass blood. When the family arrived at the clinic, we were all tears again. Bumper couldn't even lift his head to greet us.

He simply looked resigned to death.

I put the thought of this "dark space" behind me as at that moment, I was more concerned about his suffering. So I told the vet to take a blood sample the next morning and if the signs were bad, to put him to rest. It's not something very easy to do especially if you're Catholic like me. Even if this is - at the end of the day - an animal and not a human being.

That night, I felt God say I should prepare myself to let Bumper go. It was just a quiet voice - a simple "let go" and "start praying for his peace". But it was enough to get me going again. Well, I couldn't stop crying even if I wanted to because there were far too many memories linked to the dog. But with an extremely heavy and bashed-up heart, I did manage to do the right thing, and asked for strength to hold myself together (especially at the office over the next few days or weeks).

On Friday morning the next day, at about 8.30am, Christine called in the middle of breakfast. I didn't need to know the conversation between her and Colin because I knew Bumper had gone. As it turned out, he had had another seizure from which he did not recover. So Christine gave him the decisive jab and that was that.

I know it's rather silly to mourn a pet like it were a human being. But you have to know a dog like Bumper to know he's not just a dog. He has demonstrated what FORGIVENESS really is, what FORGETTING really is, what PATIENCE really is, what TOLERANCE really is, what OBEDIENCE really is, and therefore what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE really is.



Basically, Bumper reminds me of Jesus' teachings everyday and every moment of everyday. That's why he is one dog I have owned that deserves to be referred to as a "who" and not a "which" or "that" or "it".

Then of course, there are all the funny, endearing, and humorous antics Bumper has shown in his few short years with us. Maybe, when I'm ready, I will share those with you.